You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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