the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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