It's Friday. Sex?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
