I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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