True but thats because hes a fetus.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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