on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
