we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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