I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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