Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
