she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Randomize
