I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
