Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
