Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
