I'm passing your future prison.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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