Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
