remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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