I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
