1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
