If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
