It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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