That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
