You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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