So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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