Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
