When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
