I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish i was in the wii world.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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