Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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