wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
