yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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