Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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