dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
