Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
