'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
