Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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