I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
