I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
