I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
