I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
