We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
