I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
