everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
