My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
