i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
