why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
