I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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