i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
