Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
