I cannot find my penis.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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