did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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