Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
