hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
