I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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